to the girl who own countless bags

you always give me the impression that even with your countless treasures, you are a humble person. perhaps it's human nature to have pride and you sure do have a lot. in some ways i guess i do look up to you and envy you because somehow you have a much more easy life compare to a lot of people.

but as the true you began to unravel, i somehow lost respect for the person i thought you are. people are capable of being cruel in many ways and what you did to me was cruel but would you ever think so? most likely not. i am your friend when it suits you but to me, you are always my friend regardless. perhaps this is the part where i lose out to you.

for all my faults, can you honestly say that you are 100% perfect? don't you see? you kick me away because of the things you dislike but honestly, it's the same traits that you have too and probably more. people put up with you mainly because money speaks. at the end of the day, are they truly your friends?

you always say you know who and who but do they really know you? my dear girl, acquaintance and friends are different. acquaintance come to your birthday party because they are invited but friends come to your birthday part because they want to be there for you.

i envy you, i do. for the easier start in life you have and for the many things that you have experience before that i have yet to do so. but at the same time, i pity you too because you have to put up a front every time. then again, who is to blame but yourself when you built this persona of yourself to show the world. a persona of the you who is a shell of the real you.

as your friend though, i wish you all the best. most important of it all, to be yourself and not to be an actress in your life. it is not an ongoing drama.

to the girl who is hurting

i am back in one of the darkest point of my life. a point in my life that i would have never thought i would be revisiting it again at any point but here i am back where i started.

during the darkest time of everyone's life, all they need is most likely a helping hand. but people whom i thought were my friends choose this time to abandon me because they decided that they won't put up with my bad points after a while. no one is perfect right?

it's sad and heartbreaking. i feel as if i am drowning and no one is lending a helping hand.
slowly i learnt to float but i still stay in the murky waters. eventually, the waters became beautiful and i see the shore. i came up for a while, i guess this is the time when i accepted the situation.

things became better but lately it's like i am back in the murky waters, struggling. the worse part is it hurts even more. how can something hurt twice as bad when you have felt it before? is it because when you break a glass and try to glue everything back, it won't be the same again? just like if your heart is smash into pieces again, it won't ever be whole again? that's why it hurt worse.

hopefully i will heal one day and that one day will come soon.

sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. you have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. what is meant to be will end up good and what is not won't. relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting. at time, people need to fight for you. if they don't, you must move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don't lose something real. always fight, until you can't anymore, and then be fought for.